My Inner Voice
I have this inner critic/voice that constantly runs in my head. It is always telling me things, sometimes useful but often times not. It goes on... and on.... and on... I have observed what it does over the years and I'd like to share it with you.
It has an incredible desire to win and never lose, to dominate and avoid being dominated, to justify and invalidate anyone who challenges me, to always be right and never be wrong. This voice is inside of me sometimes controls me (OK more than sometimes). And yet what it leaves in its wake is me being separate from others, to not be able to experience the love and support in my life and it definitely is not alright with just "being."
One of my favorite teachers Werner Erhard refers to this inner voice as "IT." He proposes a question over and over again in his EST training. "IT is using your life for what?" He invites you to look at your life and see what IT's up to? (I have pondered this for months). What you discover is that IT is not interested in Being, having love and deep connections with others. In fact, IT will do anything to keep you from being. Have you ever tried to meditate and your thoughts just keep grabbing you over and over again? Your thoughts are IT at work. How useful is it to think about the past? Future? A conversation you are about to have or had have in the past? These inner conversations can be very disempowering and keep you from what is real, the present moment.
I was in a stew today about something my husband said. I felt dissed and like he didn't want me around. Instead of meeting him at the beach to exercise I went off on my own instead. As I walked up this beautiful hillside I suddenly became aware of my inner voice and how bad it was making me feel. For a moment I stopped and caught my breath and instead of engaging in the talk I observed what I was doing to myself. I watched how I felt wrong and was justifying myself in head head and then making him wrong. I became an observer of my life instead of juggling the thoughts, trying to mange them and figure the best way out of my situation. Suddenly the hurt and sadness left me and a breath of fresh air washed over me. I didn't need to know why he directed me away from him this morning, it really didn't matter. I experienced that my mind was making something out of nothing. I clearly saw that what the train of thought was getting me.....being alone and feeling left out.
How many times have the thoughts in your head destroyed a relationship? A job? Lose a friend? Hurt a relationship with your child? What if you could observe your thoughts instead of listening to them? How different would your life look? Your relationships?
I think what I learned to today that Mindfulness isn't about never having a thought that runs through your head, but watching the thoughts go by and not responding to them. I hope my words can remind you that you are not the thoughts in your head. Become the observer of your thoughts/life and they will no longer own you.
Many Blessings,
All-is-one
It has an incredible desire to win and never lose, to dominate and avoid being dominated, to justify and invalidate anyone who challenges me, to always be right and never be wrong. This voice is inside of me sometimes controls me (OK more than sometimes). And yet what it leaves in its wake is me being separate from others, to not be able to experience the love and support in my life and it definitely is not alright with just "being."
One of my favorite teachers Werner Erhard refers to this inner voice as "IT." He proposes a question over and over again in his EST training. "IT is using your life for what?" He invites you to look at your life and see what IT's up to? (I have pondered this for months). What you discover is that IT is not interested in Being, having love and deep connections with others. In fact, IT will do anything to keep you from being. Have you ever tried to meditate and your thoughts just keep grabbing you over and over again? Your thoughts are IT at work. How useful is it to think about the past? Future? A conversation you are about to have or had have in the past? These inner conversations can be very disempowering and keep you from what is real, the present moment.
I was in a stew today about something my husband said. I felt dissed and like he didn't want me around. Instead of meeting him at the beach to exercise I went off on my own instead. As I walked up this beautiful hillside I suddenly became aware of my inner voice and how bad it was making me feel. For a moment I stopped and caught my breath and instead of engaging in the talk I observed what I was doing to myself. I watched how I felt wrong and was justifying myself in head head and then making him wrong. I became an observer of my life instead of juggling the thoughts, trying to mange them and figure the best way out of my situation. Suddenly the hurt and sadness left me and a breath of fresh air washed over me. I didn't need to know why he directed me away from him this morning, it really didn't matter. I experienced that my mind was making something out of nothing. I clearly saw that what the train of thought was getting me.....being alone and feeling left out.
How many times have the thoughts in your head destroyed a relationship? A job? Lose a friend? Hurt a relationship with your child? What if you could observe your thoughts instead of listening to them? How different would your life look? Your relationships?
I think what I learned to today that Mindfulness isn't about never having a thought that runs through your head, but watching the thoughts go by and not responding to them. I hope my words can remind you that you are not the thoughts in your head. Become the observer of your thoughts/life and they will no longer own you.
Many Blessings,
All-is-one
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