Withholds

Something that keeps coming up for me is withholds.  I struggle with being 100% transparent, as much as I want to be.  Some would like to think they are, but still have things about themselves that they do not want to share with others.  We live in a world where we might think we have privacy, but we don't. So when is it appropriate to share all of your secrets with some one? Do you share past secrets with your current partner?  What about the little secrets we keep that seem insignificant?

When I look around me I see politicians living two separate lives, saying one thing and living another.  They are an extreme version of withholding from my perspective.  Most even have two totally different sides to their faces.  They embody their in-congruency right out there on the surface for everyone to see.  I have been told time and time again, there are no secrets! You may live in the illusion that you are keeping a secret but what you are displaying is that you are hiding something and it makes you seem.....untrustworthy.

But we all have secrets let's face it.  Most of them only mean something to the person holding them, they are a "so what?"  How does it effect your relationship when you keep a secret from your partner? Or what if you deny that secret when questioned about it? What effect does it have on you? Your ability to trust? Your ability to let go and fully and love completely?

Women, for the most part (of course not all), like to shop.  I can't tell you how many times I have heard a women say that their husband won't notice, why tell him?  Their is so much pressure on women to look good, far more than men and most men do not understand our obsession with shopping.  Men want us to look good but not cost them anything to make it happen.  

Men, for the most part (of course not all), like porn.  I've walked in on a partner masturbating watching porn.  As hurtful as it was to me I let it go.  I never said anything about it.  I figure it's best to take account of my own short comings rather than exploit his.  I made no fuss about it unless he didn't have the energy to be with me sexually later on.  Then that's a problem.

Or what about fantasizing about someone else when you are having sex with your partner because they no longer excite you in that way (assuming of course that you are not in the moment with them and caught up in thought).  Then what?  Do you tell them?  Is that a withhold?

So my question is......at what point do you come clean about your secrets?  What if your secret would crush your current partner then what?  How do you navigate this difficult topic? Is it better to risk losing the relationship than keep the secret?  

I'd love to know what your thoughts are......

All_is_on