Being Complete with My Parents

I grew up in a small town in the South and I recently went there.  It's a place where people go out of their way to be friendly, to chat about small things, but always welcoming.  It was refreshing to be back in Southern hospitality.

I was spending time with my parents who have been together for 46 years.  I was open to the possibility that after all this time they might be different.  I discovered that my parents are still my parents.  They have aged but haven’t changed much. We quickly sat down at the dinner table and settled into life from long ago.  Jasira was happy talking about her life, her interests and her general excitement for being there.  My Mom almost immediately chimed in about my weight.  “You seem to eat so well, why all the extra weight?” I took a deep breath and continued to eat not responding to the comment made to me.  I realized in that moment that she was only talking about herself, so I brushed it off.  Then another comment about my body, my weight.  Finally I looked at her with compassion, "do you feel bad about your weight?"  She looked down t the floor and replied ...yes.  Then she got on my Dad for his food choices at dinner and they bickered back and forth with one another.  My Dad ended up pushing his plate away and not eating any more.  Now, he has his things that he picks on her about.  This dance between them was constant and never ending and I couldn’t help but wonder “what would it look like for them if they could just let each other be?” But they both seem to get something out of this discussion.  Hurtful words are said and emotions are always running but they continue to do this for the rest of the time I am there.  

My parents have been married for a really long time.  It is really amazing from where I am sitting.   They have a very different expression than what I would want,  but this is the life they have chosen and it is not my place to question or judge their choice. I can love them and have no interest in trying to change them.  

That was my goal.  I wanted to see if I could be present with them, listen and not try to “fix” anything about them.  It was a true practice in mindfulness for me.  I know and have experienced so much in my life and would love to share what I have learned and show them how they could be experiencing more love..... more joy.....more happiness...... in their relationship.  But it wasn’t my place.  I knew if I wanted to be free to be who I am, to create the relationship and the life that I want, I needed to let them be.  To see them as divine perfection, nothing needed to be altered to be more perfect.

I did just that for the 2 weeks while I was with them.  It was great to leave the judgment behind and see that they are perfect expressions of God.  I experienced a closeness with them that was unattainable prior to this trip.  They are wonderful human beings doing the best they can, staying with each other to the end.  I am grateful for the opportunity that was placed before me.

So it is my sincere wish that you look at your own relationship with your parents and look to see where you are “trying” to change them and see if it’s possible to let them be.  I recognize that my parents did the best they could with the tools they had and I am extremely grateful for the start they gave me.I wouldn’t be who I am without it.