Criticism
A lot of people in my community know that I write a blog. Most don't say anything to me and occasionally someone will let me know that they enjoyed my insight. Which is always nice to hear.
On this particular day I was in a stew about something else, and I sat in the chair at the office with my eyes closed trying to find my center again. A woman started talking to me about my blog and the direction I was hoping to take it in. I really didn't have a direction per say, other than to share the teachings that have transformed my life. She went on to tell me that I seem so smart in person but I write like someone who completely "lacks intelligence." That I should look into someone that would take what I have to say and raise it up a bit so I didn't seem so "uneducated."
Now, you have to realize I have had years of training in human behavior and verbal confrontation. I "should have" known better and more importantly I could have handled the situation much more effectively than what I did. I immediately went into reaction and tried to defend my position. She in turn stepped it up a notch and went on about how I could change myself so I could be a better reflection of the incredible man I am married to. At this point I knew I was in reaction and I just got quite looking for the door hoping that my husband would walk in and save me.
Now, how many time have we found ourselves in a similar position whether it be with your boss, teacher, wife, husband, parent or friend? Wouldn't it be great to be able to listen to the criticism and inquire for more information instead of going into reaction and attempt to defend your position? Or if it is coming from someone you love to look at them with compassion and realize that they are talking about themselves?
In hind sight, I would have changed a few things:
Taken a deep breath before I spoke.
Asked for more information, get her to be really specific with me about what she saw that made me appear "uneducated."
Inquired within - what is the most loving and compassionate thing I can do for her right now?
Recognize that she is expressing who she is and what's going on with her, it really had nothing to do with me or my blog.
One of the many ways that I find useful to handle criticism is to get more information. Get them to be very specific about what is is they are criticizing you for. "What specifically about my blog made me seem uneducated?" From there you can listen. Listen to what they say, and what they don't say. The key really is the breath and stay out of reaction, being with what is in that moment.
Another way I could have responded is "I could pay more attention to the way I write couldn't I?" Not much else someone could say to you at this point.
The bottom line is verbal confronatations happen to all of us. Wouldn't it be great if you had skills to help you handle people and situations as they arise so their action doesn't effect you negativity?
On this particular day I was in a stew about something else, and I sat in the chair at the office with my eyes closed trying to find my center again. A woman started talking to me about my blog and the direction I was hoping to take it in. I really didn't have a direction per say, other than to share the teachings that have transformed my life. She went on to tell me that I seem so smart in person but I write like someone who completely "lacks intelligence." That I should look into someone that would take what I have to say and raise it up a bit so I didn't seem so "uneducated."
Now, you have to realize I have had years of training in human behavior and verbal confrontation. I "should have" known better and more importantly I could have handled the situation much more effectively than what I did. I immediately went into reaction and tried to defend my position. She in turn stepped it up a notch and went on about how I could change myself so I could be a better reflection of the incredible man I am married to. At this point I knew I was in reaction and I just got quite looking for the door hoping that my husband would walk in and save me.
Now, how many time have we found ourselves in a similar position whether it be with your boss, teacher, wife, husband, parent or friend? Wouldn't it be great to be able to listen to the criticism and inquire for more information instead of going into reaction and attempt to defend your position? Or if it is coming from someone you love to look at them with compassion and realize that they are talking about themselves?
In hind sight, I would have changed a few things:
Taken a deep breath before I spoke.
Asked for more information, get her to be really specific with me about what she saw that made me appear "uneducated."
Inquired within - what is the most loving and compassionate thing I can do for her right now?
Recognize that she is expressing who she is and what's going on with her, it really had nothing to do with me or my blog.
One of the many ways that I find useful to handle criticism is to get more information. Get them to be very specific about what is is they are criticizing you for. "What specifically about my blog made me seem uneducated?" From there you can listen. Listen to what they say, and what they don't say. The key really is the breath and stay out of reaction, being with what is in that moment.
Another way I could have responded is "I could pay more attention to the way I write couldn't I?" Not much else someone could say to you at this point.
The bottom line is verbal confronatations happen to all of us. Wouldn't it be great if you had skills to help you handle people and situations as they arise so their action doesn't effect you negativity?
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