Self Acceptance
We all have things about ourselves that we secretly wish we could get rid of. I know from first hand experience that their are things about myself that I do not particularly like. For example, I am what my husband loves to refer to as "labile." One minute I am on top of the world and the next I am down in the dumps. Many years ago the way it looked was I would get things moving in a favorable direction for me and then something would happen. Some major emotional thing would surface or a pet would die or I'd fail a test at school or something. From that point forward my life was a mess. I couldn't function at home, school or with my friends. When I got upset about something it was like the world was going to end. I suspect that a lot of people didn't know how to handle this about me so they just stayed away. I'm am quite sure my parents must have braced for the worse when these times surfaced in my life. For me, they happened way too frequently, and I really lost control of myself.
When I met Victor in 1997 he was quick to point out to me that I was "labile." He said if I had gone to a shrink they might have diagnosed me as Bipolar and medicated me for it. Then I would have labeled myself as this and never found the blessing it was for me. Fortunately I did not go that route.
What he did instead was talk to me about how I needed to accept the fact that I was this way and from there learn how to make it work for me. What?? How do I make this horrible experience "work for me"?
I didn't realize that because I resisted this aspect of myself, I continually called it forth to show up in my life, like a broken record playing the same song over and over again. So, I decided to take his advice and work on accepting this fact about myself. After a month of trying, I went back to him and told him that I saw no advantage to this trait and I'd like to trade it in for a new one. I wanted to get rid of it! He smiled and calmly said, "Allison, you have to work with what you have, there is no getting rid of it. It is a part of you and the sooner you can accept that fact, the sooner it will loose its stronghold on you."
I practically left in a huff. It took me years to learn to accept this fact about myself. It took even more time to make it work for me instead of against me. One day I realized that when I was in what I refer to "up time" I am very effective at what I am doing. I have a lot of energy, I'm focused and can really get things done. I'm epically good at working with people, teaching, being a mom, and anything I decide to set my mind to. When I'm "off" I go inward, focus on meditation, writing, breath work, inquiry, and things that involve less external activity. I am quiet instead of my usually bubbly and energetic self. I make an effort to reign myself in and stay in reflection until the phase passes.
My ups and downs used to determine who I was in any given moment and lasted for months. I now realize that the circumstances and conditions of my life do not make up who I am, they are just circumstances. I can work not only with myself but with others even when I am "off". I have made something that I used to hate about myself into a positive experience for me. I can not tell you how freeing that is.
When I met Victor in 1997 he was quick to point out to me that I was "labile." He said if I had gone to a shrink they might have diagnosed me as Bipolar and medicated me for it. Then I would have labeled myself as this and never found the blessing it was for me. Fortunately I did not go that route.
What he did instead was talk to me about how I needed to accept the fact that I was this way and from there learn how to make it work for me. What?? How do I make this horrible experience "work for me"?
I didn't realize that because I resisted this aspect of myself, I continually called it forth to show up in my life, like a broken record playing the same song over and over again. So, I decided to take his advice and work on accepting this fact about myself. After a month of trying, I went back to him and told him that I saw no advantage to this trait and I'd like to trade it in for a new one. I wanted to get rid of it! He smiled and calmly said, "Allison, you have to work with what you have, there is no getting rid of it. It is a part of you and the sooner you can accept that fact, the sooner it will loose its stronghold on you."
I practically left in a huff. It took me years to learn to accept this fact about myself. It took even more time to make it work for me instead of against me. One day I realized that when I was in what I refer to "up time" I am very effective at what I am doing. I have a lot of energy, I'm focused and can really get things done. I'm epically good at working with people, teaching, being a mom, and anything I decide to set my mind to. When I'm "off" I go inward, focus on meditation, writing, breath work, inquiry, and things that involve less external activity. I am quiet instead of my usually bubbly and energetic self. I make an effort to reign myself in and stay in reflection until the phase passes.
My ups and downs used to determine who I was in any given moment and lasted for months. I now realize that the circumstances and conditions of my life do not make up who I am, they are just circumstances. I can work not only with myself but with others even when I am "off". I have made something that I used to hate about myself into a positive experience for me. I can not tell you how freeing that is.
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