In my Sexual Beginning

My curiosity with sex probably began early. If you have children, you are aware of how sexual we are almost right from the beginning. When we are young and we play with ourselves it is seen as "cute" and innocent. As a mother, I have witnessed too many times a mother telling her child that their penis or vulva are anything but that. They called it your "nana, pee pee, trunk, girlfriend, couchie, fire hose, private parts" and the list goes on and on. Why do we tell them that a hand is a hand? That your mouth is your mouth? But we don't want to tell them that their penis is a penis or their vulva is their vulva? This is the beginning of sexual confusion that gets passed down from generation to generation in our families and this is just the beginning.

By the time I was 26 I had read every book on sex that I could find. Sex was still a mystery to me and I was no more closer to finding true sexual satisfaction than I was when I began a few years earlier. I even watched porn, thinking that somehow I would learn some special technique that would bring me the satisfaction that I was searching for. Porn seemed degrading to the people involved and all about showing off isolated aspects of sexuality. From where I was sitting there was no true intimacy between the partners, just empty displays of sexuality.

Shortly after this I became aware of a spiritual practice that involved sexuality called "Taoist Yoga." I read several books on the topic and was intrigued by the author and what he had to say. He gave exercises to do to increase my ability to receive pleasure more and to be able to give it. I practiced these exercises daily and looked to find someone else that was interested in this practice.

I ended up finding a Taoist priest that was willing to work with me to see where I felt like I was stuck and help me to move beyond the blockages. Pretty early on what I discovered was Taoist yoga was is more experiential than intellectual. I was never going to get the principals of this practice by reading about it in a book. I needed a teacher that could provide me the experience of the practice, to teach me to be in the moment and to be one with "what is" in my life. This began my 13 year journey of exploration.